31 Dec Life with Moxie: Let go(of stress) for 2018
So much of the stress that we experienced in the last year can be summed up in a few simple dynamics that we can, if we so choose, no longer have to suffer through. Simply letting go of a few simple things could make a huge difference in your life in 2018.
- Let go of the need to be right.
We often use the excuse that they are wrong and they need to know. We are doing the right thing and “educating.” However, unless it’s a math problem that the answer has some application that’s actually going to be used as some structural requirement for say- a submarine to stay watertight, nearly everything else, for the sake of your personal well being, can and most likely should, be overlooked as their problem and not yours. We will never be able to, nor should we, be the general manager of the universe of knowledge. If someone wants to be educated about something, they will take it upon themselves to seek it out, if they don’t, they likely won’t want to be learning it from anyone else either. Let it go.
- Let go of the need to be liked.
Caring what other people think is an exhaustive waste of time. If you believe you have succeeded at making people like you, that means at some level (or many), you’ve crafted yourself in a way that’s not authentically you and you do not have the freedom to truly be yourself. You have no say in what other people’s perceptions are. More importantly, you have every bit of control over what kind of person you are. One of my favorite says is the idea that what other people think of you is none of your business. Let it go.
- Let go of the need to understand the why of other people’s choices.
There is one question, that whenever it’s asked in a state of frustration about something that you think was a terrible decision, will never go well. Why. “why do you vote for him/her.” “why did you drink so much,” “why can’t you be more like your sister,” “why on earth would you do that?” You can see in the question that there is no opportunity for success by the person answering and you will still never “understand” the why. If you were honest with yourself, you may realize that in many of these situations that what was attempting to be accomplished in this line of questioning is not to actually know “why”, but more of a passive-aggressive attempt at shaming and making the person wrong. It will never be processed as a learning/lesson, yet it will succeed at creating a greater disconnection between you and the person in question. So the next time in your exasperation you want to ask why someone did something you perceive as stupid- Let it go.
- Let go of the fear of missing out.
If we have made a commitment to do something, assuming we actually wanted to do it in the first place (see #7 and #8 below), choose to be there. Be there, be present to those whom you are with, be engaged. Maintaining a perpetual belief that something better may be happening somewhere else that you could be in attendance at, will keep you forever disconnected from the things you have actually chosen to do and creates an artificial belief that you are, in fact missing out. It deprives you of possibility of truly being in the moment as you are forever preoccupied with where and with whom you are not. Let it go.
- Let go of the need or desire to fix other people.
One person can never “fix” another person. One, however, can certainly hold space for and support another person in their journey to fix themselves. Think of it like a math problem. A person is presented with one of those annoying story math problems and they can’t seem to figure out the answer and they don’t actually care what the answer is and they don’t want to learn how to get the answer. But you, in your life experience already know the answer and believe that if they will just remember the answer they will be that much further ahead thanks to your help. Unfortunately, what that leaves them with is a temporary “success” in that one moment, yet when the next, similar moment happens-which it will, they’ll be right back at square one, more frustrated than before, with no ability to succeed because they never had the personal inclination to want to figure it out enough to have the solution make sense. Unless they want the solution bad enough to figure it out for themselves, someone else handing it to them isn’t helping anyone. Let it go.
- Let go of the need to come up with excuses for not following your dreams.
If there are excuses because you are actually afraid to try it, then that means you absolutely must try it. If the excuses are in the realm of not enough time, realize we all have the same amount of time, prioritize yours differently. If your excuses are in the realm of not having the skills, then get them, learning isn’t hard, but it takes time- so start, or surround yourself with those who have them. If the excuses are in the realm that you’re not smart enough- you can convince yourself that you are right, or you can do something about it. No more excuses- Let it go.
- Let go of the need to say “Yes” when you know you don’t want to.
This is nearly of a disease of women, the inability to say no when we want to. You don’t want to volunteer to chair the bake sale, you don’t like the book that you’re half-way through in book club, you don’t want to go to that charity event because you dislike charity events, useless meetings, needy emails. Stop the madness. Say no- and don’t feel guilty. Let it go.
- Let go of the need to surround yourself with people you don’t like.
You don’t want to go to dinner with that couple because you really have absolutely nothing in common, you don’t want meet that one friend for coffee because she exhausts you, you dread your monthly moms lunch or mommy play group, phone calls from that certain friend that forever needs advice regarding poor life choices, while simultaneously never listening to requested advice. Some people, and we all know who they are (you just list yours) are energy vampires that don’t offer growth or enrichment. Let it go.
- Let go of the need to complain.
No one likes a complainer. I dare say they are the most commonly listed among those from #8, above. The more people complain the more unhappy they become and that is not the type of person anyone seeks out to enjoy time with- because it’s not enjoyable. If you complain as a way to get needs met, shift it to assertiveness as the way to tell others what your needs are and how these can be met. Instead of being judgmental- decide you will offer compliments, it will begin to help shift perceptions of those whom are being judged, leaving less to complain about. Be responsible for your actions… and the consequences. While it may sound cliché, learn to graciously accept all that life has to offer–the good and the bad.
- Let go of all that doesn’t serve you.
Let go of the people, let go of the clothes, let go of the food, let go of the ideas, let go of the ways, let go of the thoughts, let go of the choices, let go of all that isn’t serving you. Let it all go.
Let it all go and see how much room you’ve created, how much time you’ve found, how much courage you’ve unlocked to begin what you’ve wanted to begin. It’s 2018, what will you have to show for it…? Plenty- Now start purging!
Have ideas you’d like to add? Need more suggestions? Let me know!